reflecting on various topics
Sometimes all there is to do is keep moving forward. Sometimes, instead, a microscopic retrospective detailed point by point analysis, grieving, art-making, emotion-feeling, and never quite being done with any of these steps is the path, and that would appear to be my path. I’ve stopped looking for endpoints and conclusions in life like I …
I’m tired of being encouraging all of the time so I thought I’d balance that by just saying that sometimes it doesn’t work out you might fail everything might go wrong it could all be for nothing there could be no end in sight it could just be total blackness, like an unending tunnel of …
what are you like when you are not trying to impress anyone? what happens then? I almost always have someone in my mind who I’m afraid of disappointing, or afraid of having a negative emotion about me. One of the things I’m working on is learning to cope better with this fear and not let …
This probably will seem a bit overkill. It was just kind of interesting to me. I was watching an asmr video of a channel I like where the woman who makes the channel wears fake fingernails, lots of makeup, etc. I’ve always found that kind of thing extremely calming to watch. Like. The perfection of …
tonight I’m feeling very very discouraged. lonely. kind of on the edge of sick. plus I started reacting to several foods I really depend on. I know it probably won’t last forever, but it’s very discouraging. 🙁 yeah. [thinks about the sky] the sky has a way of cheering me up, or at least existing …
hi tw: probably far too personal so on the topic of masking… I can think about it all day. it was all very intellectually manageable. but I don’t know how to do it, and fundamentally am not sure I want to. I think I’ve survived throughout life with “when in doubt, be yourself,” which hasn’t …
I had a realization when I woke up this morning. It probably will sound very naive. My realization is that I’ve idealized a certain version of integrity in which all layers of a person match. It’s not a bad thing. My realization is that it isn’t the only way that is genuine or that is …
I made a mistake. I talked about religion. Talking about religion is always a bad decision for me. THE THING IS the thing is the thing is that it’s why I’m in in pain. and I have to name it. it’s what has hurt the men. it’s what hurt the one I partnered with. it’s …
far from fully representative, a small gathering of things that feel “me.” contrary to the popular quote, you are not what you do. but it is fun to do things This might sound enabling of me. I don’t mean it to be. I have two little boys I’m raising and I want them to treat …
feeling is the most dangerous thing a person can do by far the most dangerous thing a person can do probably why… well. it’s why we’re all in therapy. because it’s the first thing we chop when scared. the Vulcan and the Klingon each have their moment
