Sometimes all there is to do is keep moving forward.
Sometimes, instead, a microscopic retrospective detailed point by point analysis, grieving, art-making, emotion-feeling, and never quite being done with any of these steps is the path, and that would appear to be my path.
I’ve stopped looking for endpoints and conclusions in life like I used to, and the aesop-fable moral at the end of every struggle. I hate it.
Tangent:
perils of therapy.
I love therapy. Therapy is great. Therapy is bomb.com .
and
AND with every single therapist I’ve ever seen (and I’ve met a fair few), the seeking of peace, conclusions, resolutions, and endpoints appears to be an objective. To summarize, to find a larger pattern in the minutae, to give you a summarizing theme or summarizing statement that seems to make sense of and put an end to the chaos. To provide a path forward, clarity in the fog, light in the dark. To appeal to a belief or moral or principle that reveals a state of calm, when leaned on.
(Religion, of course, does thus too, often-not always. And therapy does not always do this).
I’m just thinking about ways I have seen therapy damage other people, and other peoples’ relationships.
Naturally none of my therapists have hurt me, they’ve always been right about everything, and did you know that I am often right, also?
a font of self-esteem.
Why am I thinking about this now?
A world that moves quickly, a world that reaches absolutes with relief
a world that will skip every pebble for the beach
a self that would also greatly prefer the beach to the myriad of grains or pebbles, depending on the beach
and
everything matters, when it comes down to it. Everything matters, and we simply do not have the time, bandwidth, interest, or ability to see, hear, and notice.
Our synaptic pruning helping us grow into more-efficiently-functioning adults, losing the child that was a child because of their lack.
Because of their lack.
And we grasp at ideals, like the ideal to become like little children in faith
the Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood ideal
the “if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
and we go to our therapy
we oversimplify
we efficiently do the Things and I AM GRIEVING AND I HATE THIS!!!
