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icy-hot nerve pain ice-ice heart block survival in small chunks of blind isolated numb starting to thaw icy-hot nerve pain red screaming heart my babies are my life they are my entire life

what’s it like to be able to exist, and not be seen as causing trouble by existing? what’s it like to be able to be kind, and not be seen as causing trouble by being kind? what’s it like to be able to speak, and not be seen as causing trouble by speaking? what’s it …

who do you want to be? for halloween who do you want to be? I’ll be costumeless, seething, reckless in heart I’ll be artistic, savage, alone while not I’ll be awake to the pain, even just a smidge I’ll be sitting right here, with…. a whole lot of candy

I need to feel angry I need to feel angry I need to feel angry why can’t I make myself feel angry it isn’t safe to feel angry

[I wrote a poem, but I can’t post it. holding space for those words]

effervescent haze in my sleep-deprived blood, shifting as I wake I must’ve been blind couldn’t keep my lights on

sitting on a couch on a planet spinning around itself around a sun spinning in a solar system in a galaxy spinning yet in this Gravitron everything feels still and I know my mitochondria are boogie-ing and my protons are proton-ing and my gut bacteria are doing their thing to keep me alive in a …

there is a bird war happening on the top of the neighbor’s roof there was a bird war happening on top of the neighbor’s roof there is a victorious seagull on top of the neighbor’s roof a kingly perch, surveying his spoils he walks around, keeping a careful lookout but for what, I ask? There …

this morning in a tweet: when you’re so hungry that the sweet coating of your advil feels like a major food group at from yesterday: at keeping watch I see a bird on the top of our neighbor’s chimney a perfect silhouette against the sky I wonder if it can see the ocean, and what …