d

I made a mistake. I talked about religion.

Talking about religion is always a bad decision for me.

THE THING IS

the thing is

the thing is that it’s why I’m in in pain. and I have to name it. it’s what has hurt the men. it’s what hurt the one I partnered with. it’s what I’m so scared of watching hurt my babies

there are so many things I can simultaneously wish were true that are all in contradiction to each other. the world as I believe it can be vs the world as it is vs… the fact that I need more tea…

I’m just so discouraged.

and I don’t want to talk about religion. religious folks can do that.

but I’m also like. watching things that are not rocket science get repeated. and it SUCKS.

I still believe in Jesus because I know in my bones that love is the way. and there is darkness that is REAL. there’s a reason we want someone to save us. I do. I still have faith that he’s God because of all the miracles and whatnot that… I dunno I guess I just still believe happened. I’m so scared of being wrong. It’s a horrible thing, to be afraid of being wrong, when you’re talking about eternity.

Which brings me right back to why I don’t talk about religion so

all I know is if something makes me hateful, then I don’t want to do whatever that thing is

and if something makes me love, then I want to do whatever that thing is

at the end of the day I still think Jesus is the way, and I hope that he’ll save me

and I hope that my efforts to follow him don’t make me a dick

just thought I’d sum that up with a nice little sentiment

as I edit this

awkwardly

on that note

guten abend

PS I’ll probably still be a dick no matter how hard I try not to be.

PSS

WHY DOES ANYONE NAME ANYONE DICK

PSSS

People who have that name can always make that joke.

PSSSS

I’m serious. pretty sure I’ll always be a dick no matter what I do